Its amazing what fear can do. How crippling it can be.

I've come to know some of mine, fairly recently.
  • I fear the unknown
  • I fear failure
  • I fear that I won't match up to people's expectations
  • I fear that I won't match up to my own expectations
Nothing pains me more than the idea of failing myself. Its like being trapped in a prison inside your own mind. Your own expectations hold you hostage and the fact that you didn't-or rather couldn't-match up, is daunting to me. I mean how do you escape that?
Close friends usually tell me that I am too hard on myself. But, I honestly can't see living any other way. I view it as striving for better. But I guess that's all good, as long as you can show yourself some mercy. But, when it's like you're a slave to yourself, that's when one should get worried. And I'm afraid that's exactly what I do most times. I beat down on myself and tear myself apart. How can you escape when, you are your own worst enemy?

Fear has caused me to neglect a lot of things that I wanted for myself. A lot of interests I had were thrown into the darkness of fear. A lot of dreams were buried by fear. 

And now, I'm faced with yet another opportunity, another interest, another dream. I can either head for that door and see if there's any hope inside of it, look beyond the darkness of my own thoughts and see what comes out of it; or I can run away. So that my ego will be protected, and I wont get hurt or face any terrifying realities. 

At the end of the day, life is what you make it. You want to run away? Run. No one can stop you from running. You want to disregard fear and be courageous? Things will come in your way, I wont lie. But, anything worth having or achieving, is worth the fight. Nonsensical, irrelevant, purposeless things come easy. They fall in your lap.

Photo by: Omar Frederick


The thing is, I could say all this, and probably choose courage for a moment and later down the line, run into the arms of fear all over again. But one thing keeps me going. One thing gives me strength to press on despite the opposition. It is the hope that I wont be fighting alone. It is the hope that there is something promised to me, waiting for me on the other side of fear, if only I keep pressing forward. What gives me strength is the fact that there is someone fighting on my behalf. Someone that fights for dreams. Someone who says that through failure a blessing would be created. That failure was not really the destination, but probably preparation. Because, all things work together for good, to those who love God and are called according to His purpose. 

Someone once said that courage is not the absence of fear, but the disregard of it. And I've found this to be true. Because even though I may feel afraid, I am not afraid. I will cling to the hope that I found in Christ. The hope that tells me I am never alone. The hope that lets me know that I am more than a conqueror. The hope that lets me know that everything will be okay in the end.

"It is scary. 
But it takes courage, to choose faith over fear. 
Be courageous."